Parenting norms, rules, methods have all been de rigueur for years now. And many a times a beautiful, natural process becomes a regimental, rigid or even an artificially laid out environment perhaps not very conducive for warmth and happiness.

The fact remains –a home consists of so many complex layers. By providing a powder coating, the inner termites cannot be addressed, also when there are so many personalities involved in a household, how can only the youngest yet to be a complete person be made to comply with strange universal rules. The dynamics in your home would certainly vary from the dynamics of another home-even your parental home.

Every family, every home has a unique way of functioning. If a change is sought in one, it is inevitable the seismic effect will reflect in the other members too. So the fact remains- a general idea of what can be nice, suitable or indeed comforting for the well being of a child need to be considered, but without understanding the pulse of the family, the equation between family members and their personalities (all need to taken into consideration), it is next to impossible to provide a thorough in-depth counselling advice to care givers.

Each parent is unique; hence each of the parenting methods they use will vary. Many stick to tried and tested formulas they have observed from their parents, some may prefer to go with what is suggested and discussed by friends or colleagues, and there are many who follow a parental coach or expert to the T, rather than take on the ramifications of applying oneself to the task at hand.

There is no right or wrong parenting style just as there is no perfect parent. I suggest you trust your instincts as much as possible. Have a stress free approach and enjoy the years of direct parenting. Don’t forget you are a parent for life, but a care giver only till the child is dependent on you. Childhood plays an important role in an individual’s life. The values, love, affection, family structure are all learnt during this beautiful phase. Irrespective of age, a child always observes and learns from the parent. Hence the onus lies on the mother and father to be watchful of one’s actions and words. What one sees or hears from one’s parent one tends to learn and imbibe mainly during childhood…and sometimes all through life. Like Carl Jung said, “children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk”.

Footnote- parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do. –Matt Walsh

Published by Kavita varma

Psychologist, reader, traveller, writer, environmentalist.

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